Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A little irony
School was cancelled today so I'm taking advantage of it by doing what I typically like to do on Saturdays: sleep in, watch a little tv (on dvd), read, poke around online, work out, and also take care of some homework and household tasks. I listen to church podcasts periodically and decided to take some of my free time to listen to one that's part of a series about the different names of Jesus inspired by Isaiah 9:6-"Prince of Peace". It's about a month old, focusing more on the hustle of the Christmas season and the birth story, but the message of allowing Jesus to be a source of personal peace-Shar Shalom-is true for me at anytime in the year. The sermon was about 50 minutes long, so about how much of that time did I actually spend just sitting, listening, and reflecting on the message? I doubt even half. I got up a couple times to get things from my room so I could do mindless activities while listening, was on Facebook, checked my email. God must've be shaking His head at me while watching me flit around mentally and physically.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Carrie Bradshaw
I've determined that I am not a trendy person. I never rush out and buy something as soon as everyone else says that it's the latest must-have thing. I don't watch the shows or read the books that all are talking about. Oftentimes, that has the opposite effect on me; I don't want to be like everyone else. I usually wait to see if the trend lasts and by then if it's still around it's not a trend anymore, it's become a classic.
It may sound silly but that's how I feel about Sex and the City. In college it was constantly referenced in all the girly magazines I read. I remember hearing about the big series finale a few years ago and then last year there was all this hype about the movie coming out and flocks of women going to see it on opening night. I never had HBO so a few years ago out of curiosity I checked out a copy of one of the seasons from the library. I think I only watched one episode. I'm a poor teacher and graduate student from Nebraska, a Christian, so how can I possibly relate to four women in New York who wear amazing clothes, have jobs but don't seem to work, and sleep with lots of men?
But last spring I was watching an episode with a friend of mine about these different ways the girls had to rely on faith. None of them are religious but I could still see God through each one's story. Charlotte was going through a divorce yet still wanted to believe that true love was out there for her. Miranda just had a baby and was dealing with the decision whether to have her son baptized. Carrie was doubting her abilities as a godmother. Samantha was trying to trust her boyfriend and allow herself to actually be in a relationship with one person. Even though I may never have been in these specific situations, I saw myself relating to the characters. I struggle all the time with trust in others, myself, and God.
So I saw the movie (months later, of course, I couldn't see it when everyone else did). And then a few months after that I started watching the seasons on DVD. Is the show vulgar and materialistic? Yes, and I have to guard my mind against that and make sure that I don't watch too many episodes in a short amount of time. However, it's amazed me how much I see of myself in Carrie, who overanalyzes EVERYTHING (wish I could be paid for that like she is)and Miranda, who is stubborn and loses hope too quickly.
Last week I was watching an episode and wrote down this quote by Carrie as she was reflecting on her single status: "Why does 1 minus a plus 1 feel like it adds up to 0?" I was reading in "Pure" this morning and the devotional was about lonliness. This line jumped out at me: "When you are walking in intimacy with God, 1 is a whole number." What a reminder of God's truth, that only in Him, am I complete. Whether single or in a relationship, lonliness will be a struggle (my married friends tell me this is true, someday I'll be able to relate?) but God is faithful. I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac, how Abraham waited a 100! years to finally become a father and then God asked him to sacrifice what was most precious, his son, and he was willing to do it. Because of Abraham's faith God provided a ram to be sacrificed instead and Abraham named that place Mount Moriah. A translation of that name that I really liked was, "Jehovah will see to it." And that truth is there for me. God knows my desires, tests me through different circumstances, but will always be generous with His love.
1Thessalonians 5:24 "The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do this."
It may sound silly but that's how I feel about Sex and the City. In college it was constantly referenced in all the girly magazines I read. I remember hearing about the big series finale a few years ago and then last year there was all this hype about the movie coming out and flocks of women going to see it on opening night. I never had HBO so a few years ago out of curiosity I checked out a copy of one of the seasons from the library. I think I only watched one episode. I'm a poor teacher and graduate student from Nebraska, a Christian, so how can I possibly relate to four women in New York who wear amazing clothes, have jobs but don't seem to work, and sleep with lots of men?
But last spring I was watching an episode with a friend of mine about these different ways the girls had to rely on faith. None of them are religious but I could still see God through each one's story. Charlotte was going through a divorce yet still wanted to believe that true love was out there for her. Miranda just had a baby and was dealing with the decision whether to have her son baptized. Carrie was doubting her abilities as a godmother. Samantha was trying to trust her boyfriend and allow herself to actually be in a relationship with one person. Even though I may never have been in these specific situations, I saw myself relating to the characters. I struggle all the time with trust in others, myself, and God.
So I saw the movie (months later, of course, I couldn't see it when everyone else did). And then a few months after that I started watching the seasons on DVD. Is the show vulgar and materialistic? Yes, and I have to guard my mind against that and make sure that I don't watch too many episodes in a short amount of time. However, it's amazed me how much I see of myself in Carrie, who overanalyzes EVERYTHING (wish I could be paid for that like she is)and Miranda, who is stubborn and loses hope too quickly.
Last week I was watching an episode and wrote down this quote by Carrie as she was reflecting on her single status: "Why does 1 minus a plus 1 feel like it adds up to 0?" I was reading in "Pure" this morning and the devotional was about lonliness. This line jumped out at me: "When you are walking in intimacy with God, 1 is a whole number." What a reminder of God's truth, that only in Him, am I complete. Whether single or in a relationship, lonliness will be a struggle (my married friends tell me this is true, someday I'll be able to relate?) but God is faithful. I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac, how Abraham waited a 100! years to finally become a father and then God asked him to sacrifice what was most precious, his son, and he was willing to do it. Because of Abraham's faith God provided a ram to be sacrificed instead and Abraham named that place Mount Moriah. A translation of that name that I really liked was, "Jehovah will see to it." And that truth is there for me. God knows my desires, tests me through different circumstances, but will always be generous with His love.
1Thessalonians 5:24 "The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do this."
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Prodigal Daughter
I'm frustrated with myself and my lack of posting. There've been instances in the last few weeks when I've really felt the need to write and share but I keep letting daily life's tasks get in the way from sitting down and taking the time to truly reflect. Instead I jot down a couple notes and try to get back to them later. Yesterday God hit me over the head with the need to rest. I've been going full tilt lately and my body finally made me stop. I spent yesterday sleeping, trying to get over a nasty 24 hour bug. And all those tasks that were consuming me before? Still there for me to take care of when I recovered and amazingly enough, the world still went on while I was out of commission.
Matthew 6 is one of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible. Verse 34 is the first one that I ever memorized, and I still need to remind myself of its truth, ten years later. Yesterday I was reading my devotional "Pure" and it references this verse in The Message translation: "Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." And that's the core of it for me, one of the reasons why I'm so consumed with busyness is because I'm afraid that I'm going to miss out on something if I don't say yes to every invitation or I'll let people down if I do say no, and they'll never ask again.
I was listening to a podcast tonight about the Prodigal Son, a story I'm very familiar with. What struck me this time was the father's unconditional love for his sons. When the prodigal decided to go back to his dad, he had an apology and a plan all rehearsed in his head (I do this ALL the time), "...but while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20 And when the elder son felt jealous, bitter, and stubborn because of how his brother was being treated, "...his father came out and began to plead with him." Luke 15:28 This father gave his sons everything and they were ungrateful in return. But he didn't withhold his love as a punishment or try to make them feel guilty for their actions, he lavishly loved them anyway.
This unconditional love reminds me of my students, one in particular. Sarah is one of those students that can drive me crazy sometimes; she is so smart but doesn't work up to her potential and couldn't stay in her seat if her life depended on it. More often than not if I'm saying something to her it's negative. Yet she still gives me hugs (which is pretty rare for a 5th grader) and after we finished an experiment last Friday, she cleaned all these dishes without me asking. This week she told me all about how she'd just found her dad on myspace that she'd never met before. Here is a girl with a story that I'll never completely understand, and has valid reasons to be bitter and have an attitude, yet she still lives in that innocent desire to love and be loved.
But I feel that much of the love I give is conditional. I try to serve and be generous with my time but sometimes it's to make myself feel better, it gives me a purpose, an identity. Or I do it to keep their love. Or I do it only because I expect something in return. 1 John 4:18-19 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because He first loved us." I need to love others because they are God's creation, not because I'm afraid they won't love me back unless I do this or that. I need to just accept God's love as is, and not check to see if He's holding something back from me.
Matthew 6 is one of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible. Verse 34 is the first one that I ever memorized, and I still need to remind myself of its truth, ten years later. Yesterday I was reading my devotional "Pure" and it references this verse in The Message translation: "Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." And that's the core of it for me, one of the reasons why I'm so consumed with busyness is because I'm afraid that I'm going to miss out on something if I don't say yes to every invitation or I'll let people down if I do say no, and they'll never ask again.
I was listening to a podcast tonight about the Prodigal Son, a story I'm very familiar with. What struck me this time was the father's unconditional love for his sons. When the prodigal decided to go back to his dad, he had an apology and a plan all rehearsed in his head (I do this ALL the time), "...but while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20 And when the elder son felt jealous, bitter, and stubborn because of how his brother was being treated, "...his father came out and began to plead with him." Luke 15:28 This father gave his sons everything and they were ungrateful in return. But he didn't withhold his love as a punishment or try to make them feel guilty for their actions, he lavishly loved them anyway.
This unconditional love reminds me of my students, one in particular. Sarah is one of those students that can drive me crazy sometimes; she is so smart but doesn't work up to her potential and couldn't stay in her seat if her life depended on it. More often than not if I'm saying something to her it's negative. Yet she still gives me hugs (which is pretty rare for a 5th grader) and after we finished an experiment last Friday, she cleaned all these dishes without me asking. This week she told me all about how she'd just found her dad on myspace that she'd never met before. Here is a girl with a story that I'll never completely understand, and has valid reasons to be bitter and have an attitude, yet she still lives in that innocent desire to love and be loved.
But I feel that much of the love I give is conditional. I try to serve and be generous with my time but sometimes it's to make myself feel better, it gives me a purpose, an identity. Or I do it to keep their love. Or I do it only because I expect something in return. 1 John 4:18-19 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because He first loved us." I need to love others because they are God's creation, not because I'm afraid they won't love me back unless I do this or that. I need to just accept God's love as is, and not check to see if He's holding something back from me.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Single Woman's Prayer
This was inspired this weekend, often what's on my heart and going through my head, but finally put into a little more coherent words.
A Single Woman’s Prayer
God, I confess to you again my overwhelming desire for control, my tendency to create my own security because I don’t believe, like Eve, that you know what’s best for me. I know in my head that you aren’t withholding anything from me, but my heart can’t believe it yet. I see the lives that other people have, and I want it, too. But I’m also scared that if you do put that man in my life I’ll screw it up and he’ll leave, that he’ll see the real me and won’t want to put up with it because no relationship has worked out at this point.
Yet I thank you, God, for putting me in all these different circumstances so that I can learn more about myself. I remember that you are slowly guiding me to a place where I will be ready. I thank you that you love me and this man enough that you aren’t going to have us together until the timing is right, when we’ll both be capable of having this relationship in a way that will be honoring to you. I thank you that you know us better than we know ourselves and will not do anything to lead us away from you. I pray for our protection, God, of our hearts, bodies, and souls, that we will remain pure, chaste, holy, and blameless for the love of each other and of you. Give us strength to withstand temptation and attack from the one who sees the amazing potential our relationship has, is threatened, and wants to squelch it. Give us courage and trusting hearts, to be vulnerable with one another and you. I pray over our minds, that our thoughts would be only of you, that we would continually seek your perfect wisdom and guidance in our decisions, that we would discern what your calling is, and be obedient in carrying it out.
God, I thank you for the grace poured out on us through Christ Jesus. We are both sinners, broken people who will hurt each other, ourselves, and you with our selfish actions. But I praise you for the gift of the sacrifice of your Son, for we have the unending hope of eternal life. Give us the courage to forgive each other and ourselves, to accept forgiveness and not fall into despair when disappointed. May we have servant hearts that look to the desires of the other person before our own. Grant us the perspective to see how our relationship mirrors the one you have with the whole world, and that even the best moments we have together on Earth cannot even compare to what will come when we spend eternity praising you.
I pray for our family and friends, that they will be an encouragement to us, and we will be the same for them, and that our relationship will be a testimony to your amazing love to those around us. I pray for the children we may have, if that is your will, that we will constantly seek your guidance in raising them, that you would keep them safe in body, soul, and spirit, and they grow up to be men and women who live to serve only you.
I thank you, God, for the grace that surpasses all understanding, for being our patient teacher and father. You see all that we do and are writing the epic story of our lives, putting together the characters and events in the most perfect way because you love us that much and know us so intimately. May we be that story’s willing and daring heroes in the adventures of this life.
Amen
God, I confess to you again my overwhelming desire for control, my tendency to create my own security because I don’t believe, like Eve, that you know what’s best for me. I know in my head that you aren’t withholding anything from me, but my heart can’t believe it yet. I see the lives that other people have, and I want it, too. But I’m also scared that if you do put that man in my life I’ll screw it up and he’ll leave, that he’ll see the real me and won’t want to put up with it because no relationship has worked out at this point.
Yet I thank you, God, for putting me in all these different circumstances so that I can learn more about myself. I remember that you are slowly guiding me to a place where I will be ready. I thank you that you love me and this man enough that you aren’t going to have us together until the timing is right, when we’ll both be capable of having this relationship in a way that will be honoring to you. I thank you that you know us better than we know ourselves and will not do anything to lead us away from you. I pray for our protection, God, of our hearts, bodies, and souls, that we will remain pure, chaste, holy, and blameless for the love of each other and of you. Give us strength to withstand temptation and attack from the one who sees the amazing potential our relationship has, is threatened, and wants to squelch it. Give us courage and trusting hearts, to be vulnerable with one another and you. I pray over our minds, that our thoughts would be only of you, that we would continually seek your perfect wisdom and guidance in our decisions, that we would discern what your calling is, and be obedient in carrying it out.
God, I thank you for the grace poured out on us through Christ Jesus. We are both sinners, broken people who will hurt each other, ourselves, and you with our selfish actions. But I praise you for the gift of the sacrifice of your Son, for we have the unending hope of eternal life. Give us the courage to forgive each other and ourselves, to accept forgiveness and not fall into despair when disappointed. May we have servant hearts that look to the desires of the other person before our own. Grant us the perspective to see how our relationship mirrors the one you have with the whole world, and that even the best moments we have together on Earth cannot even compare to what will come when we spend eternity praising you.
I pray for our family and friends, that they will be an encouragement to us, and we will be the same for them, and that our relationship will be a testimony to your amazing love to those around us. I pray for the children we may have, if that is your will, that we will constantly seek your guidance in raising them, that you would keep them safe in body, soul, and spirit, and they grow up to be men and women who live to serve only you.
I thank you, God, for the grace that surpasses all understanding, for being our patient teacher and father. You see all that we do and are writing the epic story of our lives, putting together the characters and events in the most perfect way because you love us that much and know us so intimately. May we be that story’s willing and daring heroes in the adventures of this life.
Amen
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